要谨慎自己和自己的教训：从Catherine Rohr跌倒的反思

要谨慎自己和自己的教训：
从Catherine Rohr跌倒的反思

蔡少琪 / 2009年11月3日

11月1日刚刚结束的环球领袖高峰会有很好的提醒，但我在随后的发现却再次深刻提醒自己，敬虔生命的必须性。这次其中一位视像讲员是罗嘉芙莲Catherine Rohr。她是美国监狱事工PEP创办人及总裁，是2008年美国柳树溪社区教会举办的领袖高峰会的讲员。也被安排在这次2009年10月底在香港举行的高峰会播放。在她的领导下，监狱事工（PEP）招募资深商界行政人员作义工，为囚犯提供培训课程、督导和支援，帮助他们重投社会工作和生活，当中成功获聘率达98%之高。特别当她年约25岁就能有年薪二十万美元的投资界的成就，竟然能从零开始，到约三十岁，就能发展出很有影响力的监狱事工，给参与本港高峰会的弟兄姊妹很大激励。她曾说﹕「其中一个我学到最宝贵的功课是神不真的需要我。他只需要我跟从指导。当我愿意突破，他就工作，他就开门。」我在高峰会中，第一次看她的演讲，深受激励。

自己星期一（11月2日）有安静时间，也借着网络希望从这些讲员的生平事迹，得到更多了解。但当我用Google搜索Catherine Rohr资料时，发现她刚刚有新闻在今年十月中在美国出现。原来，当她事奉在高峰的位置时，也是她婚姻面对破裂时，她原来在2008年底离婚，并曾与四位从监狱出来的男性有性交往。她最近才向董事会报告，也面临不能再进入监狱服事的可能性，并被停止了机构总裁的岗位。她自己向人分享说：「那是我生命中最黑暗的时期，是缘于我在2008年12月的离婚。」她惭愧地说﹕「我认识到我已经摧毁了我努力从你们当中所得到的信任。我非常懊悔我错误的选择和我行动所带来的负面后果。」

最近我在教会讲提摩太前书，开始进入第四章。保罗提醒我们﹕「操练身体，益处还少，惟独敬虔，凡事都有益处，因有今生和来生的应许。这话是可信的，是十分可佩服的。」（提前四8-9）空有热心，空有创新，却没有真道，没有敬虔的生命，不能真正成为神合用的器皿。看到Catherine Rohr跌倒的新闻，自己心灵也低落了半天，感到很不开心。我也想起，当自己在1990年受浸时，教会送给信徒的礼物是一本属灵书﹕麦哥登的《心意更新》。那是一本在当代很好的属灵书籍，但后来却发觉作者作为牧者，却因为忽略压力和心灵的纯正，犯了奸淫罪。后来麦哥登借着《从破碎到更新》谈到他跌倒的经历和重整。他以过来人的身份互勉说，若人在黑暗中，就要赶快向人分享和认罪，承担责任，因为这是挽回破碎心灵的起步点﹕「破碎的世界不能开始重建，除非有承认责任这洞见的开始。延后我们承认责任和悔改的时刻，就让我们更难重建我们的破碎和更难减少破坏性的后遗症。」

今早在写这分享时，从新闻报导，有一位执事因与「已婚女教友发生婚外情，女友疑苦缠要求执事离婚再娶她，执事不胜其烦涉以刀捅杀女友。」真是可悲可怖的新闻！若没有看顾自己身心灵健康，不单让自己跌倒，也让人受害，也亵渎神的圣名。难怪保罗强调﹕「我是攻克己身，叫身服我，恐怕我传福音给别人，自己反倒被弃绝了。」（林前九27）

世界充满黑暗，我们应该靠主刚强，离开卑贱的事，靠主作贵重的器皿。但每一个基督徒，特别有事奉岗位的弟兄姊妹和同工，我们必须更谨慎，更靠主的恩典保守我们的生命，不要让我们成为绊脚石。耶稣说：「你们要谨慎，免得有人迷惑你们。」（太廿四4）让我们有年轻的大卫的清心，但没有中年大卫的跌倒，却有老年大卫为荣神益人献上一切预备建圣殿的心志。保罗对提摩太的提醒是值得我们深思的﹕「你要谨慎自己和自己的教训，要在这些事上恒心，因为这样行，又能救自己，又能救听你的人。」（提前四16）

（作者为九龙城浸信会主任牧师．作者保留本文版权）

（www.christiantimes.org.hk，时代论坛时代讲场，2009.11.3）

舊回應3則

Hin / 2009-11-06 21:14:08

A little response

I think this kind of happenings will continue to happen, it is no surprise at all. But, it doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it, on the other hand, it doesn't mean we can get rid of this once and for all. We all know that. Then, why do we talk about it?

I think awareness is only the first step but I agree that it doesn't get us anywhere nor help us too much. Any awareness must follow by some kind of actions and the actions must continue to evolve and modify according to the changes.

I myself is not holier than anyone else, nor am I stronger than anyone else, many factors will contribute to a fall or a sin.

Let me give some of my own suggestions which I applied to myself:

1. We must be willing to talk about what we are facing. It is so easy for someone to stay in a temptative situation until he or she falls for it if he or she is unwilling to talk about it to others. That brings us to the issue of having a "watchman" for ourselves in our spiritual walk or in our life. It is a lot easier to fall when no one knows or when we are alone. Having a trusted friend, a faithful watchperson is desperately needed today. If we know we are weak, if we know we are still struggling, get someone, even more than one if possible.

2. We must develop the right channels to release our pressure and stress. The key is the "right" channels. Every sin and every temptation has a legitimate need at the background. Releasing stress and pressure is a legitimate need. If we don't have the right channels, then we will go to the wrong ones. Many Christian workers have not much hobbies nor interests but only the work of God which is very very dangerous. We are not almighty and we have the need to rest and recharge.

3. Read and know those who failed and those who overcome. It is important to learn both about failures as well as victories. I enjoyed reading the book about Wang Ming Dao's last 40 years, describing how he fell and how he get up again. I also enjoyed reading the book "I am wrong" by Jim Bakker. Awareness is not the end but at least it is the first and necessary step for any kind of prevention or victory. There are testimonies out there that we can increase our awareness and strengthen our will powers. Don't just know someone has failed or someone is OK now, find out why, how and what you can learn from it.

4. We all know that we have the capacity to sin, the issue is can we keep it under control and avoid sin to control us, that is why there are so much teaching about sin and sinning in the Bible. If we won't sin, then why border to have so much about sin and sinning in the Bible. As a result, we must remind ourselves that this is a lifetime battle, there is no end to it until we see our God, then, don't be surprise that we can sin and don't give up in fighting with sin. We might lose a battle but don't forget that we are still in a war and we will have the final victory at the end.

The above is not perfect but only some thoughts to share, hope it will help. By the way, I am still fighting this war!

VL / 2009-11-05 11:24:23

好像說：跌倒，自求多福吧！

古斌兄:

可否具體一點說。待賜教。

古斌 / 2009-11-04 10:04:05

這類跌倒的新聞不勝其數。一般我們的解決辦法，是警剔自己更順服上主。問題是：是同一個身軀由高峰掉下，為甚麼我們認為這身軀可以靠主得勝？如果可以，為甚麼它不一早就靠主得勝，因而跌倒**從不發生**？

我們怎麼可以向一個神乎奇技的雜耍員說，你從高處掉下來嗎？你只要玩雜耍謹慎點就是了！如果謹慎是解決辦法，怎麼我們會相信他由一開始不能生產謹慎？

這類個人自省的教牧解決方案我聽了二十多年，它用來警剔初入教者還是不錯的，但能在高峰掉下來的，絕不是初入教者，有沒有真正針對在高峰或那些領袖們的應付策略？這一定遠比叫你靈修多一些困難，但這才是我們欠缺的思考。

看來我們缺乏的，不只是思考貧窮的結構性，及其群體組織性的回應，更是思考跌倒的結構性。原來，不只社關的靈魂是孤獨的，連天路的靈魂也是孤獨的，我們太愛孤獨自省，究竟，福音派眾教會們想把群眾性和組織力留給甚麼使用？

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