要謹慎自己和自己的教訓：從Catherine Rohr跌倒的反思

要謹慎自己和自己的教訓：
從Catherine Rohr跌倒的反思

蔡少琪 / 2009年11月3日

11月1日剛剛結束的環球領袖高峰會有很好的提醒，但我在隨後的發現卻再次深刻提醒自己，敬虔生命的必須性。這次其中一位視像講員是羅嘉芙蓮Catherine Rohr。她是美國監獄事工PEP創辦人及總裁，是2008年美國柳樹溪社區教會舉辦的領袖高峰會的講員。也被安排在這次2009年10月底在香港舉行的高峰會播放。在她的領導下，監獄事工（PEP）招募資深商界行政人員作義工，為囚犯提供培訓課程、督導和支援，幫助他們重投社會工作和生活，當中成功獲聘率達98%之高。特別當她年約25歲就能有年薪二十萬美元的投資界的成就，竟然能從零開始，到約三十歲，就能發展出很有影響力的監獄事工，給參與本港高峰會的弟兄姊妹很大激勵。她曾說﹕「其中一個我學到最寶貴的功課是神不真的需要我。祂只需要我跟從指導。當我願意突破，祂就工作，祂就開門。」我在高峰會中，第一次看她的演講，深受激勵。

自己星期一（11月2日）有安靜時間，也藉著網絡希望從這些講員的生平事跡，得到更多了解。但當我用Google搜索Catherine Rohr資料時，發現她剛剛有新聞在今年十月中在美國出現。原來，當她事奉在高峰的位置時，也是她婚姻面對破裂時，她原來在2008年底離婚，並曾與四位從監獄出來的男性有性交往。她最近才向董事會報告，也面臨不能再進入監獄服事的可能性，並被停止了機構總裁的崗位。她自己向人分享說：「那是我生命中最黑暗的時期，是緣於我在2008年12月的離婚。」她慚愧地說﹕「我認識到我已經摧毀了我努力從你們當中所得到的信任。我非常懊悔我錯誤的選擇和我行動所帶來的負面後果。」

最近我在教會講提摩太前書，開始進入第四章。保羅提醒我們﹕「操練身體，益處還少，惟獨敬虔，凡事都有益處，因有今生和來生的應許。這話是可信的，是十分可佩服的。」（提前四8-9）空有熱心，空有創新，卻沒有真道，沒有敬虔的生命，不能真正成為神合用的器皿。看到Catherine Rohr跌倒的新聞，自己心靈也低落了半天，感到很不開心。我也想起，當自己在1990年受浸時，教會送給信徒的禮物是一本屬靈書﹕麥哥登的《心意更新》。那是一本在當代很好的屬靈書籍，但後來卻發覺作者作為牧者，卻因為忽略壓力和心靈的純正，犯了姦淫罪。後來麥哥登藉著《從破碎到更新》談到他跌倒的經歷和重整。他以過來人的身份互勉說，若人在黑暗中，就要趕快向人分享和認罪，承擔責任，因為這是挽回破碎心靈的起步點﹕「破碎的世界不能開始重建，除非有承認責任這洞見的開始。延後我們承認責任和悔改的時刻，就讓我們更難重建我們的破碎和更難減少破壞性的後遺症。」

今早在寫這分享時，從新聞報導，有一位執事因與「已婚女教友發生婚外情，女友疑苦纏要求執事離婚再娶她，執事不勝其煩涉以刀捅殺女友。」真是可悲可怖的新聞！若沒有看顧自己身心靈健康，不單讓自己跌倒，也讓人受害，也褻瀆神的聖名。難怪保羅強調﹕「我是攻克己身，叫身服我，恐怕我傳福音給別人，自己反倒被棄絕了。」（林前九27）

世界充滿黑暗，我們應該靠主剛強，離開卑賤的事，靠主作貴重的器皿。但每一個基督徒，特別有事奉崗位的弟兄姊妹和同工，我們必須更謹慎，更靠主的恩典保守我們的生命，不要讓我們成為絆腳石。耶穌說：「你們要謹慎，免得有人迷惑你們。」（太廿四4）讓我們有年輕的大衛的清心，但沒有中年大衛的跌倒，卻有老年大衛為榮神益人獻上一切預備建聖殿的心志。保羅對提摩太的提醒是值得我們深思的﹕「你要謹慎自己和自己的教訓，要在這些事上恆心，因為這樣行，又能救自己，又能救聽你的人。」（提前四16）

（作者為九龍城浸信會主任牧師．作者保留本文版權）

（www.christiantimes.org.hk，時代論壇時代講場，2009.11.3）

舊回應3則

Hin / 2009-11-06 21:14:08

A little response

I think this kind of happenings will continue to happen, it is no surprise at all. But, it doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it, on the other hand, it doesn't mean we can get rid of this once and for all. We all know that. Then, why do we talk about it?

I think awareness is only the first step but I agree that it doesn't get us anywhere nor help us too much. Any awareness must follow by some kind of actions and the actions must continue to evolve and modify according to the changes.

I myself is not holier than anyone else, nor am I stronger than anyone else, many factors will contribute to a fall or a sin.

Let me give some of my own suggestions which I applied to myself:

1. We must be willing to talk about what we are facing. It is so easy for someone to stay in a temptative situation until he or she falls for it if he or she is unwilling to talk about it to others. That brings us to the issue of having a "watchman" for ourselves in our spiritual walk or in our life. It is a lot easier to fall when no one knows or when we are alone. Having a trusted friend, a faithful watchperson is desperately needed today. If we know we are weak, if we know we are still struggling, get someone, even more than one if possible.

2. We must develop the right channels to release our pressure and stress. The key is the "right" channels. Every sin and every temptation has a legitimate need at the background. Releasing stress and pressure is a legitimate need. If we don't have the right channels, then we will go to the wrong ones. Many Christian workers have not much hobbies nor interests but only the work of God which is very very dangerous. We are not almighty and we have the need to rest and recharge.

3. Read and know those who failed and those who overcome. It is important to learn both about failures as well as victories. I enjoyed reading the book about Wang Ming Dao's last 40 years, describing how he fell and how he get up again. I also enjoyed reading the book "I am wrong" by Jim Bakker. Awareness is not the end but at least it is the first and necessary step for any kind of prevention or victory. There are testimonies out there that we can increase our awareness and strengthen our will powers. Don't just know someone has failed or someone is OK now, find out why, how and what you can learn from it.

4. We all know that we have the capacity to sin, the issue is can we keep it under control and avoid sin to control us, that is why there are so much teaching about sin and sinning in the Bible. If we won't sin, then why border to have so much about sin and sinning in the Bible. As a result, we must remind ourselves that this is a lifetime battle, there is no end to it until we see our God, then, don't be surprise that we can sin and don't give up in fighting with sin. We might lose a battle but don't forget that we are still in a war and we will have the final victory at the end.

The above is not perfect but only some thoughts to share, hope it will help. By the way, I am still fighting this war!

VL / 2009-11-05 11:24:23

好像說：跌倒，自求多福吧！

古斌兄:

可否具體一點說。待賜教。

古斌 / 2009-11-04 10:04:05

這類跌倒的新聞不勝其數。一般我們的解決辦法，是警剔自己更順服上主。問題是：是同一個身軀由高峰掉下，為甚麼我們認為這身軀可以靠主得勝？如果可以，為甚麼它不一早就靠主得勝，因而跌倒**從不發生**？

我們怎麼可以向一個神乎奇技的雜耍員說，你從高處掉下來嗎？你只要玩雜耍謹慎點就是了！如果謹慎是解決辦法，怎麼我們會相信他由一開始不能生產謹慎？

這類個人自省的教牧解決方案我聽了二十多年，它用來警剔初入教者還是不錯的，但能在高峰掉下來的，絕不是初入教者，有沒有真正針對在高峰或那些領袖們的應付策略？這一定遠比叫你靈修多一些困難，但這才是我們欠缺的思考。

看來我們缺乏的，不只是思考貧窮的結構性，及其群體組織性的回應，更是思考跌倒的結構性。原來，不只社關的靈魂是孤獨的，連天路的靈魂也是孤獨的，我們太愛孤獨自省，究竟，福音派眾教會們想把群眾性和組織力留給甚麼使用？

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